Is it Worth it?

Embracing my true nature, I have come to realize that I am an artist, and now I confront the question: is it worth it? Well I suppose that’s what I must try to understand.

Life, a gradual accumulation of memories and emotions that lead us towards an inevitable end, and in turn we must decide how to use the little time allowed. My feelings… uncertain. Where am I at, and where will I go? Consistent acknowledgment that I know little, and want to understand much. Trying to get to that place where I finally become whole, finally enough, finally successful. Is it worth it?

Comfort, I feel as though it is the death of purpose. I remain comfortable, and am driven closer to madness. The reliance on an expectation, where I should go, what I should do. The comfort of knowing before learning. Scared of what may come, but never taking the chance. I remain, often, in my stomach waiting for someone to take the chance for me. The potential that something may go wrong wretches my confidence more than curiosity with much to gain. Will I succeed? What could images possibly offer someone? Is it worth it?

This series of images encapsulates my attempt to be myself. I’ve explored questions that I ask myself all too much. What if I cannot do well enough? Will I disappoint those I love? Preemptive strikes against myself hold me back. However, with my images, I feel as though I can break the boundary. My shots take aim, and sometimes hit a target. Mostly, they just guide me in the direction that I suppose I must go. 

The tragic nature of self doubt, all too familiar to artists, compels me to create as much as I wish to destroy. Does my work matter? Will my work make the world a better place than without it? How radically ignorant I must be to think I could possibly do good. Then again, must it matter to anyone but myself for it to exist? And more, must I take on the weight of the world? Who will tell me the answer? I ought to get on with my life, make the smart choice, play it safe. Then again, my heart tells me I must persevere. Therefore, is it worth it?

As simple at its core. Yes, it is worth it. It’s worth it because it’s my way of navigating through this troublesome world. Trying to make sense of everything I yet comprehend, and most of which I’ll never know. Adherence to the voice in my head that steers the ship. My mantle is strong, and I’ve a crew that knows to head in a direction. To find out what it is I must unravel. It’s worth it, they say.